I didn't need to see that "Post Baby Body"

Do yourself and favor and do NOT google the term "post baby body".  You might mistakenly think that it will give you links to articles about good exercise or dieting tips to get your body back after baby.  Or you might think it would lead you to sites that tell you what changes to expect after you have a baby.

If you think that...you are wrong.

What you will get are lists of article after article about different celebrities' post baby bodies.  There will even be images of celebs in bikinis on the beach with a baby on their hip (that are sure to boost your confidence). 

My daughter is 6 months old and I can tell you now I sure as hell don't look like any of them.  Yes, I don't have the time to work out with a personal trainer on a daily basis.  I don't have a personal chef to prepare the perfect balance of low carb, high protein meals.  But somethings gotta give here.

How is it even physically possible to sport a completely toned stomach 4 weeks after having a baby?  (I thought that I was being ambitious trying to lose it by the baby's first birthday...and by "it", I meant the weight.)

How can Heidi Klum walk the runway in the bikini after having 4 children?  Ok God, she is beautiful, successful, and wealthy...can't you just give her some stretch marks or something?

Not only did I get blessed with stretch marks...I got this lovely skin condition on my face called chloasma or the "mask of pregnancy" with my second daughter.  It's fabulous.  Looks like I have the shape of Australia on my right cheek and my left side looks like a map of Caribbean islands.  Just a freakin' mess.  And I still have a cool thirty pounds to lose compounded from my last two pregnancies.

So when I see these chicks who lose the weight ridiculously fast and bounce right back, I feel both inspired and disgusted.  I can't help but get the feeling that my children will be in high school and I will still be using the "I had 3 children" excuse. 

But I will continue to try to work on my "post baby body"...I just won't be googling that phrase anytime soon.

Ready for Baby? Probably not...

Sometimes people ask, "Am I ready to have a baby?" or "Am I ready to have another baby?"

The answer is probably NO!  When is anyone ever completely ready to do that?  I am convinced that the very reason we have to carry a child for about 9 months is so we can mentally prepare ourselves.  And even then, you will still not be ready.  The baby will be born and you will bring him or her home from the hospital, and you probably STILL will not be ready.  But you will figure it out and make it work.  And everyone will be fine. 
I honestly believe that you can't wait until you feel completely ready for a child.  If that was the case...you would probably just never have one.  And if having a baby is not for you, than that is fine too! 
I just always found it funny that we spend the majority of our lives trying NOT to have a child.  Then when you decide you are as "ready" as you are going to be, all you can think of is getting pregnant.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  Sometimes you get pregnant right away, sometimes it takes way longer than you expected, sometimes it is a surprise, sometimes things don't go the way you wanted to and you have to start over.  Trust me folks, I have been in EVERY one of those situations.  I just always would tell myself that everything happens how it is supposed to happen.  But I could not help seeing the irony in the situation...the one thing you tried so hard to prevent becomes the one thing you want to happen more than anything. 
So I don't think you can ever know when you are "ready"...but I think when it happens, you will never imagine life without that child.
I did find a very funny series of "tests" that you can take part in to see if you are ready for a baby.  I will share it with you.  It gave me a good laugh... Enjoy!


HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE A BABY
written by Daniel Cortes @ juno.com
MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls.
Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or
kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM.Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM.  Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up
for 5 years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST
Obtain a large bean-bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.
Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their child's discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve.
Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild.
Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

Background Music to My Life

As I was driving home this morning after a run, I noticed that I was listening to Pebo Bryson and Celine Dion's version of "Beauty and the Beast".  The sad part was not that it was on in the car (or should I say "van"), but that I had hardly even noticed it and I was actually singing along.  It was not on the radio...it was coming from the DVD player because my daughters have been watching this movie in the van for months.  Not that I make them sit in the van to watch movies.  When we are driving somewhere, they always have it on.  BUT...maybe that is not a bad idea.  I could set them up in the van with the movie and some snacks.  Hey, I would leave it running with the air conditioner on and I would leave my front door open so I could keep an eye on them from my sofa.  Hmmmm...something to think about.  But I am pretty certain that it is illegal.

So I was driving the short distance home and thinking to myself that this is basically the background music to my life lately.  Whenever we drive somewhere, I must listen to that movie...I bet I could recite each line and I know every word to every song.  That Lumiere is something else (Jerry Orbach was a genius).

Then when we are not in the van, I still have background music at home.  It is usually the kids playing (or arguing), a show on the Disney Channel or Nick Jr., or some children's music CD.  I was washing baby bottles the other day singing along to a very lively version of "I've Been Working on the Railroad".  The kids were dancing around and saying "DANCE PARTY"...I think it's time that I put on a little of my own music to show them a real dance party.

Just last night I was trying to read a book...and yes, it was Tori Spelling's Uncharted Territori.  But I need to get that baby back to the library by Friday and I am sure that other library-goers are anxiously awaiting its return.  There may even be a hold on that one.  It is a summer classic.  So anyway, I was reading it and I had to reread the same paragraph about 4 times because I was interrupted by my daughter.  It is pretty sad that I had to reread it more than once...it is not like I was reading War and Peace or anything.  Finally, when I realized that my dream for her to just go back upstairs and continue playing with her Magic Kingdom castle with her sister was going to be unrealized, I gave in and put on her show.  I tried to get back into the book but I could not concentrate on Tori's retelling of her trip across country with her family and extra annoying and creepy husband.  Why?  Because the background music of my life was interfering...and it happened to be Dora, the Explorer at that moment.  I marked my page and closed the book...completely defeated.

Then my daughter sat right next to me and said, "Mommy, I want you to watch this with me" and she moved my arm so it was go around her shoulders.  It was so adorable and my distaste for Dora began to fade as we had the most quiet and peaceful 25 minutes of the day watching that show.  I definitely feel like the background music to my life has changed drastically in the past 6 or so years...but hey, I think I can deal with it.  And when I am out by myself cruising in the van, I can still sneak in a little Garth, George Strait, Dave Matthews, or Biggie.

It's ALMOST too quiet...almost

My  two youngest daughters are napping and the oldest just went to my mom's.  It is so quiet...complete and utter peace.  I was just thinking, "It's almost too quiet...almost".  Then I started to think of things I could do with my free time.

1.  Take a shower
2.  Actually do something with my hair (Imagine that!)
3.  Watch mindless TV, namely something on TLC, Bravo, or E!
4.  Read my newest "novel" Uncharted Territori by none other than Tori Spelling...now that is some classic literature right there
5.  Paint my nails (because the state that they are in now is shameful).
6.  Finish folding laundry (and putting away the 2 loads from this morning)
7.  Clean the kitchen
8.  Water my plants (that are barely hanging on out there)
9.  Take a nap
10.  Have a glass and wine and relax

These are just 10 things that I thought of in about 2 minutes...so I am sure the list could be endless.  It is is crazy what I can get done in a mere 2 hours now, because I honestly think that I will try to do most of what is on this list.  I make every last second of alone time (bliss) count!

What do you do when you get some free time to yourself?  I would love to hear so I can add it to my list for the next time (most likely months from now) that I get this opportunity.

And then there were 3...

In the beginning, anyone who has children was a first time parent.  Even Michelle Duggar had only one child at some point.  I really believe it's all relative.  This post is based on my experience having more than one child. 
When you have your first child, you are usually almost annoyingly more than well prepared.  The nursery is fully decorated with a bedding set (even though you discover that you can only use about 20% of the set, so the bumper and comforter that you just HAD to have collect dust).  You have every accessory with all the bells and whistles, clothes are already washed and put away neatly, and you have enough diapers for about 3 to 6 months.  The first night home from the hospital, you think, "what the hell do we do now?" You are exhausted when the baby hardly sleeps that night, although I am sure that they were wonderful in the hospital (news flash- MOST babies are good in the hospital...they are just as traumatized as you are by the birth experience).  However, you can squeeze in a nap or 2 during the day.  Most likely, you are inundated with visitors who bring gifts, cook you meals, and offer babysitting services. You carry a diaper bag stocked with every and anything that  is useless the baby might need...because I am sure you will need about 3 changes of clothes, 5 toys, 2 teething rings, a dozen diapers, diaper rash ointment, Tylenol, teething gel, wipes, and hand sanitizer for that 2 hour visit with a friend. 
And speaking of leaving the house with your first baby...you can generally still look acceptable.  You can put on some makeup and you have the time to do your hair so it looks at least like you at least took a comb to it.
With each passing day, you learn more and more and become more confident. 
Then, things start to go so smoothly that some people decide to have another child.  This could be relatively soon...or it might even be years after the first.  Whatever the case may be, along comes another baby.
You quickly realize that this is a whole different ball game...
You are pretty much already prepared for the second baby.  After all, you have the crib and many people just keep the nursery as is and put the new baby in there.  At first, you are lucky to get a few hours of sleep at night, and then napping the next day while the baby sleeps...that is almost comical rare.  It really doesn't happen too often. Why?  Oh, that's right...you have another little person to think about this time.  You are not only making bottles and changing diapers, you are cooking lunch and potty training, or maybe still changing a second set of diapers.  It's double duty and double the insanity fun.
The baby might get a few new gifts, but most likely, it is hand me down city.  Especially if you have children that are the same sex (I have 3 girls, I am quite familiar with that).  You and your spouse are usually the ones that handle getting odds and ends that are needed with baby #2...no baby shower this time:(
You will still have visitors, but maybe not as many and I can tell you now...the babysitting offers will dwindle.
Then, after much practice and experience, you learn to handle 2 children quite nicely.  It is man on man defense, one child for each parent.  You get into a routine and all is well.
It is at some point after this that some people decide to take the plunge and have yet another baby.  Hey, what's the difference? You already have 2... 3 can't be that bad.  And to be honest, I mostly agree.
And then there are 3...
However, things with the 3rd are even more different.  It is definitely hand me downs for this little one (especially in my case with the 3rd girl).  They might get a few new things, mainly because the others have been discarded due to wear and tear. 
I can also tell you that with three, the babysitting offers are most likely a thing of the past few and far between.  And instead of the well stocked diaper bag that you carried with the first one, you might throw a few diapers and wipes in your purse this time.  You can now effectively make a bottle and feed the baby, while talking on the phone and making a grilled cheese.  Napping while the baby naps is just not going to happen not always an option.  And you generally look disheveled on an almost daily basis (unless you have to go out, and then maybe you can get 15 minutes to apply makeup and put your hair in a pony tail attempt to style your hair).   
There is definitely a progression from being a new parent to having 2 or more children...and it changes you as a person and your outlook on life.  Each child is unique and amazing.  And with each baby I have had, the day that they were born was a complete miracle.  Although you get more accustomed to having a baby and what it entails, in my opinion, it never gets old and you are always learning something new!