I think I see the light.

You know the saying "the light at the end of the tunnel"? 

Well, I think I see the light.  I really do.

Before I begin, please know that I wouldn't trade the past 8 years of my life for anything.  AT ALL.  During those years, I was a teacher.  I had a baby.  Then another baby.  Then I left the teaching profession.  I opened a home daycare and I was successful in doing that for 4 years.  Oh, and I also had ANOTHER baby.

My sole focus for these past 8 years has been on my children and family.  Having healthy pregnancies and raising happy and healthy children was my goal.  I didn't take much time for myself.  I didn't ask for it either, to be honest.

But now my children are getting a little older...they are not, by any stretch of the imagination, being put on the back burner.  They are still only 8, 4 and 2.  The two oldest will BOTH be in full day school next year, with my 4 (almost 5) year old entering kindergarten.  My baby, the 2 year old, will be starting preschool.

My goal when I started the home daycare was to avoid paying for 2 children in full time child care and to be able to be home with them as very young children.  It served it's purpose.

Now it is time to close that chapter and start a new one. 

This week I had an interview.  I will write about that at another time as to not jinx myself.

But I HAD AN INTERVIEW.  I dressed up...like a professional and met with other professionals and answered questions and I actually did a pretty good job.  I felt confident.

That same day, my fabulous in-laws took our two oldest daughters to the beach for 2 nights.  TWO WHOLE NIGHTS.  It was a much appreciated break.  My 2 year old got lots of individual attention and was home alone with us for the first time in her life.  It was refreshing. 

I felt refreshed.

Next week my husband and I are going away for the night to celebrate our anniversary (and as part of a Father's Day gift since we are seeing his favorite baseball team play too).  It's so nice to know that we can plan these little things now.  Again, it's refreshing.

And finally I have been running very regularly and it feels great.  It is so important to me to take this time for myself.  I hope to run a half marathon in September and I look forward to the challenge.

So I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel.  The tunnel just represents a small part of my life...which were those childbearing years. I am so extremely grateful for the three healthy, happy, and wonderful babies we have.  And I cherish those years.  Some days I am even sad that they are over.

But other days, like today, I am grateful to see the light. 


Image from flickr.