Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Reading between the lines (of Status Updates and Tweets)

Social media is fun.  But I'll be damned if sometimes it isn't annoying as f*ck!

I read people's status updates and tweets and all the crap they pin...and I think HOW THE HELL does she have time to do that?  Or MUST BE NICE! Or even worse, I think Okay you little pain in the ass, we got the picture.  Your life is pure bliss and perfection.

However...I know, you know, we ALL know, that what people put out there isn't all that it seems.  Sometimes we have to read between the lines.

And how do you do that?  Well, I'm here to help.

Check out some sample status updates and tweets and see how they can be interpreted.

Note: These are NOT real tweets and updates.  They are totally fabricated for your reading pleasure.  But if you are guilty of writing something like this...just know that I see through your little facade.  For real.

Tweet:  Awesome night with the kids!  #lovemyfamily #mykidsaremylife.
Translation:  The kids fought A LOT and I drank wine. 

Status Update:  Had a great day at work today. I never thought I could love a job this much!
Translation:  Some of my coworkers and my boss are my facebook friends so I can't say how bad my job blew today.

Status Update:  Getting ready for a great dinner.  Tried a new recipe tonight and I hope everyone loves it!  Cooking for my family makes me so happy :)
Translation:  I swear to Christ that I will flip my shit if no one in my family appreciates this effing meal.

Tweet:  Time to go winter shopping!!! #lovemybootsandsweaters
Translation:  I love that my sweaters cover my muffin top.

Status Update:  AHHHHH! So stressed.
Translation:  I just want everyone to ask me why I am stressed.  Even though I will most likely offer a vague response when they ask.

Tweet:  Busy, busy, busy!
Translation:  I am not that busy because I took the time to tweet about how busy I am.

Tweet:  Going for a run.  #fitnessisfun #Ilovetorun
Translation:  I need to run off the calories from that milkshake I ate last night.  Okay, I ate the fries too.

Status Update:  *Posts picture of selfie*  Ugh, this is what my hubby has to deal with in the morning.  I'm a hot mess! LOL! FML. SMH...Lolololol
Translation:  I am not a hot mess.  I actually think I'm pretty decent...or I wouldn't have posted this pic.  Please compliment me.  Thanks.  Oh, and I like to post all of those stupid acronyms on my updates.

Tweet:  Girls night out.  Woohoo!  #lovemyfriends
Translation:  Hahahahahahahaha....I get a night out and you don't.  Right now you are watching Bubble Guppies and praying your kids fall asleep while I'm on my fourth glass of Pinot Grigio and my second Red Headed Slut shot.

Status Update:  Thank goodness the cleaning lady comes today!  This place is a mess.
Translation:  All you suckas that don't have a cleaning lady...sorry about your luck.  I can afford that luxury and I want to share that fact in a seemingly discreet yet obvious way.

Tweet:  Who knew it would be so hard to choose a new car?  #carshoppingisstressful #firstworldproblems
Translation:  It's not stressful.  I just want everyone to know that I get to pick out a new car.

Status Update:  My house is a mess and the kids won't stop arguing.  Is it bedtime yet?
Translation:  My house is a mess and the kids won't stop arguing.  Is it bedtime yet?

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Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Walking the fine line between freedom and guilt.

When I went back to working out of the home, I knew things would change.  I knew it would be difficult...and rewarding.  I knew that there would be benefits...and also drawbacks.

And I was right.

But what surprises me is the fine line that I walk everyday between the freedom that I feel at work and the guilt that I feel.

At work, I can get things done without someone CONSTANTLY needing or wanting my attention.  I can eat lunch, and talk to adults, and make phone calls.  Yes, I am also working with kids most of the day.  But these kids can feed themselves.  They go to the bathroom independently.  They don't whine or argue with me (they are saving it up all day for their parents when they get home). 

I actually like my job.  I like what I am doing.  I like the school.  I like the kids.  I don't mind the paperwork or the meetings.

It gives me a sense of freedom that I think I was missing over the past few years.

But it also gives me a sense of guilt at times.

Those times when I am struggling to get the kids up in the morning and running around the house like a raving maniac because I am going to be late .  And I feel like all I am doing is barking out orders...put your shoes on...finish breakfast...make sure you have all of your stuff ready to go...brush your teeth....no, you can't have a cookie for breakfast...fine, just eat the damn cookie THEN brush your teeth.

Those times when my youngest doesn't want to go to preschool and runs from me screaming "ME DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL!".  Or even worse...she screams "ME WANT TO STAY HOME WITH YOU!".  Then I want to cry.  I want to say Sure baby, you can stay home with me.  But the problem is, she can't.  She can't stay home because I can't stay home.  I have to leave her to go spend time with other peoples' children.

You see, that's what many of us teachers do.  We leave our children at daycare or preschool or school, and we go focus our attention on the children of others.  That's the nature of the job.

And again, I like my job.  But...ugh, the guilt.  The guilt can be a killer.

So it's a fine line...and I am trying to walk the line everyday without falling on my face.

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