Wednesday, February 27, 2013

There's No Secret To Being a Good Parent

For the love of Dora and Boots...there is no secret formula to being a good parent.

I am so over some of the bullshit I read about certain topics.  Honestly.  There is no one way to guarantee you are being a good parent.  From issues such as breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding to vaccinating, I am over it.

I truly feel bad for people having babies these days.  Although my baby just turned two last month, I didn't feel that much pressure over the years concerning decisions that I made as a mother.  These days I feel like there is SO MUCH damn pressure.

When I had my oldest daughter almost 8 years ago, I was the first of my friends to take that leap.  No one judged me...or it seemed like no one did.  I didn't read much beyond the Your Pregnancy: Week by Week book and a little What To Expect When You're Expecting.  I was clueless and it turns out that the babysitting I had done for years didn't really help much.  You see, babysitting is NOTHING like parenting. 

I had my daughter...and I bottle fed.  GASP!  You know what?  I did feel bad at first.  But the reason that I felt bad was not for what you may think.  I felt bad because I had NO CLUE that my milk would come in and that breast feeding would be an option.  I had no clue because I had had a breast reduction when I was 20 years old and was told that I probably wouldn't be able to breast feed.  I was fine with that...because I was 20 and I didn't care at that point.  I wanted the procedure done.  It was necessary.  And I don't regret it.

It wasn't until I had my 3rd and final baby that I actually pumped and bottle fed her breast milk.  After about 12 weeks, I couldn't keep up with her demand so I added more formula and slowing stopped pumping.  I pumped with her because she was a winter baby and I got all wrapped up in her getting the antibodies and not being sick.  But you know what?  My other two daughters didn't get a drop of breast milk (I know...gasp again!), and they are very healthy.  Always have been.

Also,  ALL of my children have been fully vaccinated.  This is a choice we made.  Yes, there are times when I spread them out a bit...split up a few here and there.  Again, another choice. 

My children also ALL slept in cribs.  I didn't necessarily let them cry it out when they were babies.  But I did get them on a nice schedule so they would sleep a good 11 hours in their cribs at night and take naps in there as well.  I didn't let them cry for hours.  I reassured them.  I was consistent.  It worked for US.  Again, another choice for us as a family.

Now that my kids are a little older and out of cribs, they do come wandering in at night.  Some mornings we wake to find 2 adults and 3 children crammed into our queen size bed.  (I am waiting for the opportunity to get a new king size mattress to review on this blog.  If anyone can help with that...I would appreciate it.) 

But all of these parenting choices are what work for us...they don't make us any better OR any less of a parent.

If you have a baby and you breast feed, GOOD FOR YOU.  If you bottle feed, GREAT.  If you cosleep, AWESOME.  If you put your baby to sleep in a crib, WONDERFUL.  If you vaccinate, RIGHT ON.  If not, THAT'S COOL.  If you circumcise, TERRIFIC.  If not, NEATO.  If you put your baby in daycare, FABULOUS.  If you stay home with your child, FANTASTIC.  If you make your own baby food, YOU ROCK.  If you use store bought food, YOU STILL ROCK.

I simply can't read another judgy article or comment on this here Internets.  I just might lose it. 

More than I already have.

So calm down people.  We are all doing the best we can as parents.  There is no right way to do this.  If there was, I would write a book and make millions.  I wouldn't just be here on my blog typing away like a crazy person for hundreds. 

End rant.

Have a great day.
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45 comments:

  1. My. God. I. Love. You. Love, love, LOVE you. xoxoxo

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  2. So, so, so true. Instead of tearing each other down, we should be supporting each other.

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  3. Truer words were never spoken.
    Signed,
    Every Parent Everywhere

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  4. I am soooooo with you! I breastfed for 4 weeks and had to go to bottles because I wasn't making enough milk to keep up! And boy did I get some looks from family/friends when I told them. I got "Nobody dries up that fast!" Uh yes ma'am they do!! I did! AND hold on to your hat...I CO-SLEEP! And she is 10 now!! LOL but, I'm a single mom and it works for US. I have been a firm beliver of doing what works for us and we've made it this far, I'm not stopping now. I did however have to learn not to let it bother me when someone did have a comment to make. Thanks!!

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    1. Yes, exactly. Whatever works for you!!! Thank you!

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  5. this is the best FREAKING thing ever!!! reminds me of liz lemon on the last 30 rock. social media gives parents way too much opportunity to sit around and judge. i mean seriously, you are openly sharing you, your family and your experiences. sharing not asking for their high and mighty opinions. all of a sudden these opinion sharers are the parents of the century, who live mistake free. WRONG. it really makes me so mad to see the hate and mean words they think they have a right to say.
    thank you for sharing, i mean thank you a million zillion times.

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    1. Thank YOU for reading and commenting! I really appreciate it!

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  6. Oh, man. If I could hug this post, I would! This is brilliant!

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  7. I totally agree. Right on!!!! I say do what is right for you.

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  8. That paragraph up there - the one with the all caps? THAT. Exactly THAT. Bravo.

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    1. Uhhh, yeah. I got a little fired up with the caps ;) But I meant it! Thank you!

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  9. TELL IT, SISTA!!! I'm tired of all the judgement. We women, sometimes I feel like we're judging ourselves right into depression. So not cool. Every mom should read this.

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    1. Yes, the judgement is ridiculous!!! thank you!

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  10. right on and so in agreeance. Get the king size bed we finally did and love it now all 2 of our kids can fit in the same bed comfortably.

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  11. Thank You...Thank You...Thank You!! You have made my day!!!

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  12. amen sister. I only say something if there's clear abuse going on, like neglect or physical abuse. But the frazzled mom, with two toddlers sitting in the shopping cart, singing my little ponies and opening the cheerios to keep them calm, nope, no judgment from me, because usually that IS me.

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  13. Amen!! I'm so over the judging and snubbing and crappy talk just because someone else doesn't share your opinion! What's wrong with people?!!

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  14. Thank you for this! Between the books, the doctors and other mothers, I just stay in a constant state of, 'I'm the worst mother, ever.'

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  15. I LOVE YOU! This is all kinds of awesomesauce, thank you!

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  16. Good LORD ahmighty...I couldn't agree more. I felt some of this pressure with my oldest only because i worked with SEVERAL moms all having kids at the same time and it seemed as though they were all of the same mind in terms of how to raise your kids. I didnt always fit that mold. And now...with facebook...we are SURROUNDED by parenting prescription. I love this and had to share!

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  17. I couldn't have said it any better. I pumped for both my kids and for Sean he really only got breastmilk for 6-8 weeks and I switched to formula for several reasons. I had people ask why I wasn't breastfeeding - it was none of their business.... Great read I am so tired of all the judging that goes on - attachment parenting, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, etc. It's all what works best for each family. What works for mine may not work for yours. Don't judge just celebrate each other. We are all moms just trying to survive and do what's best for our own children!

    Thanks for writing this....

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  18. I LOVE THIS!!!! GAH!!!!! Finally....somebody verbalizes what most moms are thinking, but do not want to say! So refreshing! :) <3

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  19. Thank you. My oldest is 14 and I was repeatedly judged . None my kids were breastfed. I tried with my first and was just too uncomfortable in my own skin to be able to leave the house. and you know what? All three are fantastic healthy wonderful loving smart and kind people.

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  20. Thank you. My oldest is 14 and I was repeatedly judged . None my kids were breastfed. I tried with my first and was just too uncomfortable in my own skin to be able to leave the house. and you know what? All three are fantastic healthy wonderful loving smart and kind people.

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  21. Loved your post! I tell all new Moms - "DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU". Its your house, your kids and your sanity! If it works, do it. Thats my motto.

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  22. I actually love this post. There is so much pressure on new mums lately, and so much contradicting information about. Truth is you do things your own way. That may not get other peoples approval but who needs it? Aslong as you and the baby are happy that is all that matters

    New follower!!

    walkingtalkingpollypocket.blogspot.com

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  23. AMEN! You deserve a king size mattress for this!

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  24. I love this post! If you ask me, it is all about instinct & comfort zone. You could read a million different parenting books and get a million different contradictory ideas about what you "must" do with a million different theories to back them up and a million to disprove them. (I guess million is my word of the day.) As long as baby is safe & healthy you are doing a good job!
    I'll be following :)
    http://myblogalphabetsoup.blogspot.com/

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