Friday, October 4, 2013

You want it all, but you can't have it.

I was in the car on my way to work the other day and a song came on that seemed to be taunting me.  Like it was yelling my face, "HA...See you can't do it all".

You want it all but you can't have it.
It's in your face but you can't grab it...

Since I have been back to teaching, my work days have been less stressful.  I am not physically exhausted like I was when I had my home daycare. 

But that is how things snuck up on me.  This gave me a false sense of security...or confidence.  I thought that everything was going so well.  This full time working out of the home gig wasn't all too bad.

But then I realized that I had no clean underwear for myself.  My kid spilled syrup on her shirt and I didn't have a back up.  The dishwasher was clean and ready to be emptied...but sat there untouched for 4 days.  I forgot to call about getting our vacuum fixed.  I hadn't made a much needed eye doctor appointment even though I am going on 4 weeks wearing my last pair of contacts.  The bedrooms all looked like war zones.  The clean sheets for my bed were still sitting on the dresser.  (You can imagine how shocked I was to realize that just because I am working all day doesn't mean that I don't still have laundry to do or a house to clean.)

See, it's impossible to have it it all.  Just flat out impossible.  I have come to the conclusion that when you are doing well in one part of your life, another part suffers (even if just slightly).

I want to be a great mom and a great teacher.  I want to make healthy dinners every night, keep up with the laundry, remember all there is to remember, and have a clean house.  

You want it all but you can't have it.
It's in your face but you can't grab it...

So should I keep trying to do it all?  Or do I lower my expectations?

I'm afraid if I do that latter, then NO ONE in the house will have clean underwear and I'll be wearing these contacts for another 3 months.  Because you know the saying "If you give them an inch, they will take a mile".  Well, the same goes for me.  Trust me, I will take the whole frickin' mile...

What I will do is keep trying to get it all done, even though I know it is near impossible.  I will take it day by day...celebrate the little victories, like not screaming at the kids before 7 am.  I'll put those clean sheets on my bed tonight and I will sleep like a damn baby (which is the dumbest saying ever, because babies are horrible sleepers).

But it will get done.  Maybe not ALL of it.  But I don't need to have it all.

Just clean underwear will do.

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