Today it seems like there is a lot of pressure on parents. I don't mean the pressure that I have talked about
before with the judgy folks out there breathing down your necks with every parenting choice you make. But in other ways, there is this pressure.
I'll explain.
My husband is one of 5 children. My best friend is one of 4. When they were little, they didn't go out to dinner much at all. My best friend would hide snacks in her room so her siblings wouldn't eat them. My mother in law cooked every night. There was no take out or splurging.
That was the norm. That was okay. It was fine for the husband to work 2 or 3 jobs so the mother could stay home with the children. It was okay that the only vacation you took was at the beach a short 2 hour drive away. I only went to Disney World once as a child. I was in first grade. Besides that trip, all of our vacations were to the Delaware or Jersey shore (shout out to Rehoboth Beach and Wildwood, NJ! ) Even
at the beach, you cooked some meals. You packed lunch to take with you.
But today it is so different.
People have these big houses and upgrade when they have children. One bathroom is pretty much unheard of...but yes, we only have one bathroom right now. Oh, the horror! One bathroom and I have 3 daughters. Whatever will we do. We MUST move, of course. That's what we are told. But the funny thing is that the family who lived here first, the original owners, had 3 daughters and one bathroom. I am sure it was fine back then. Oh, but not today. We better get on that...start checking out something bigger and better.
It seems like everyone is always looking for bigger and better.
Get the brand spanking new, big ass SUV. Get the huge $3000 swing set. Take the kids on the vacation of a life time when they are only 4 years old. Better yet, take lavish vacations by yourself without the kids. Buy the 5+ bedroom house. Send the kids to the best preschool. Who cares if you pay as much as you pay for your mortgage each month. Get your hair done every 6 weeks. God forbid those roots start showing. Wear the best clothes. Make sure your kids have the best clothes. Buy all new furniture.
Everything has to be just right.
If not, that's ashame. You must not be managing your money right. You must not make enough. Your husband must not make enough. What are you doing wrong?
It's really starting to get to me.
And maybe it's because I am in such a rut with this weather. Maybe it's because I am ready for spring. Maybe I need a little break. But nonetheless, it is getting to me.
I long for a simpler time. When kids wore hand me downs, when it was okay to not go on a vacation because money was tight, when it was okay to drive a car for 20+ years, when it was okay to have old furniture that you got second hand, and when everyone was just getting by and you made it work.
If this is what things are like today...in this "bigger and better" society that we are living in, I am fearful for what my children will face in another 20 or 30 years.
I truly am.
Couldn't have said it better myself! I miss those days. When going out to eat was a special occasion. When vacation could be camping in the back yard. You got your favorite outfit from the older sibling or friend, etc & you were so proud to finally have it. Folks are too enamoured with being on the top that before long there will be no Jones family to keep up with because we will all be them!
ReplyDeleteIt's not a winter funk, my dear. It's realization that our world is too busy being bigger & better & forgetting the little things that make life awesome.
Couldn't have said it better myself! I miss those days. When going out to eat was a special occasion. When vacation could be camping in the back yard. You got your favorite outfit from the older sibling or friend, etc & you were so proud to finally have it. Folks are too enamoured with being on the top that before long there will be no Jones family to keep up with because we will all be them!
ReplyDeleteIt's not a winter funk, my dear. It's realization that our world is too busy being bigger & better & forgetting the little things that make life awesome.
A year ago, I decided to adopt a minimalist lifestyle. Not to the extreme, that is crazy. But my kids and I have very little in possession, we live life for experience not what we own. We do a few long weekend trips vs a big vacation, we travel in our own city, visit free events, watch movies under the stars. They will not remember the games they had or clothes they wore. I didn't. I think parents are crazy for everything they give their kids.
ReplyDeleteand people go into major debt to make it happen, and then they argue with their partner, and take it out on their kids... stay under financial stress --rinse and repeat. And the crazy is... people start expecting themselves and others to live this way and then it becomes the norm.
ReplyDeleteWhen we decided to home-school this, what you are talking about, was played a part in our decision making. I have friends who say their kids complain about not having the best shoes, the best clothes and they are only in 1st and 2nd grade. My kids have NO idea what 'designer' anything means. And we take vacations that we can afford and try very hard to live within our means (this has little to do with me and more to do with the other half --he accuses me of being high maintenance, but we really do live with in our means.
Good for you! As my kids have gotten older, it's been harder, the younger ones are exposed to so much crap with teens in the house.
DeleteLove this totally agree! I think I would've loved the 50's! If it makes you feel any better, I get the same judgement and pressure. We have 7 children I stay home. Back in the day we had 3 kids in a 4 room house. The bedroom was big enough for two twin beds, and a crib. I kept their clothes in my closet. When we moved and had more children, I had 3 girls in one room, and my boy and girl sharing the other! The horror! What were we going to do? No joke people would come over and ask how I have the bedrooms set up. I said next time you come over my living room will just have rows of bed! Even now we have 7 kids, my oldest moved back and she is in a bedroom with her 12 year old brother. Oh well, you know what? Kids know what they live. Mine are close and appreciate it when they get stuff. My teen is still usu g a razor cell phone! Guess what? I don't care. I told her she could have no phone then.
ReplyDeleteCan I just add something? I wish I didn't have to deal with Facebook and Instagram and texting and cell phones when my kids are teenagers. All this social media and mobile phone madness makes it wayyy too easy for kids to get into situations that they wouldn't necessarily if the only contact they had was face to face or on the good old fashioned corded phone.
ReplyDeleteYou nailed it! I always swore I wouldn't be like my parents and I would never let my kids wear hand me downs. Guess what, everything changed and I am like my parents (don't tell my mom I said that). My son wears hand me downs from his older cousins and I buy my daughters clothes at a children's resale shop because she is the oldest girl in the family but her clothes have been passed down to a younger cousin and my son's clothes are going to a cousin due any day now. Our 10 yr anniversary is coming up and everyone is asking us where we are going. Nowhere. We decided our appliances that are almost 25 yrs old (which came with the house) desperately need to be upgraded.
ReplyDeleteI could not agree more. I live at thrift shops, yes some of my kids clothes come from Goodwill and no, on Christmas morning I will not be telling my boys that our bags are packed and we are gettin on a plane to see Mickey. I can't afford that! Thanks for making me feel better because I can be hard on myself.
ReplyDeleteI was going to say exactly what Kate Fox said above. I couldn't agree more! See? There are still plenty of us left out there who don't believe that bigger is better. We just have to impart that knowledge to our children. Awesome post.
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