My Take on Fifty Shades

First things first, let me get a few things out of the way.

1.  Don't read this if you haven't already read the Fifty Shades books but you plan on it and don't wait to ruin any of it.

2.  I have never read or seen any of the Twilight books/movies...nor do I have any interest to do so.

3.  I have no clue what fan fiction is and I don't know much about the author, E.L.James .  I just read the first book, Fifty Shades of Grey, because my friend lent it to me and I had nothing else to read at the time.

4.  I was not all wrapped up in the Fifty Shades hype prior to reading the books.

5.  I LOVE to read.  Not crappy fiction...but all sorts of books.  I just haven't had much free time lately to read, that is until I started this trilogy and made some time.

Image from www.okmagazine.com

So this isn't a book review.  Well, maybe it kind of is.  I am not sure.  It's just my take on the series.

I have mentioned a few times that I got completely wrapped up in reading all three of the Fifty Shades books.  And that is true. 

But maybe not for the reasons that people think. 

I find that I get annoyed when people act like these books are some type of "mom porn". WTF is that about?  Are moms these pathetic women that sit alone in their homes reading books to get their rocks off?  Sorry, but it is pretty annoying.  Yes, the books have sex scenes in them.  A lot of them.  Yes, some of it is  crazy S&M stuff.  But truly, I really got wrapped up in the story of Ana and Christian.  I wanted to see what was going to happen between them (even if the plot line was a little cheesy). 

So when I finished the first book, I HAD to start the second one immediately.  I could not just leave it at they broke up and that was it.  I wanted to read more.  And NOT for the sex scenes.  Because to be completely honest,  they got old.  They were pretty repetitive and the wording was all the same.  Ana was annoying at times and Christian was a weirdo that would have scared the shit out of me.  But besides that, I loved to see their relationship change over time.  You know, it's like the good girl falls for the bad boy and changes him.

I read all 3 of the books in a little over a week.  I loved them.  Am I saying that I think it is wonderfully written classic literature?  NO.  I am just saying that I really enjoyed reading them.  I could have even done without all the sex and Ana's obnoxious conversations with herself...oh and her inner goddess.  (UGH!  I did have quite enough of that by the time I finished Fifty Shades Freed.)  I could have also done without them having the same conversations and arguments over and over.  And them claiming each other as "mine" all the time, having sex an unreasonable number of times in one day, and how everything works out so conveniently with Ana's best friend ending up with Christian's brother.  Really?  Those parts reeeeeaaaaalllllly got on my nerves.

The bottom line:  The books were good and got me back into reading...and wanting to read for enjoyment.  It is a nice escape from whining, arguing and Nick Jr. 

Image from www.pinterest.com

(Yes, I am aware that this picture is super cheesy. I meant to do that.)

My Hair Makeover

The other day I got my hair cut and highlighted.  I had not gotten my hair cut in over a year because it is very curly and I was trying to let it grow.  I discovered 2 things.  1) I don't have time to style my long ass hair everyday and 2) 9 times out of 10, my longer, curly, unruly hair ended up in a ponytail. 

So why the long hair?  There is no reason why.  I mean, I know that I can't have super short hair.  If I did, I would most definitely look like little orphan Annie.  But the long mess that I had going on was completely unnecessary.  This led me to getting a considerable amount of length cut off of my hair.  (The gift certificate that I received from my husband and kids for Mother's Day helped as well.  I think he was getting sick of my bitching and moaning about my hair too.)

The morning of my appointment I started to think about all the before and after photos you see of people who get makeovers in magazines.  Or the before and after makeover reveals that they have on talk shows.  Listen, if anyone wants to turn me in to What Not to Wear...or any morning talk show program and claim that I am a hot mess and in need of a makeover, well....PLEASE, go right ahead!!! I would LOVE that.  A makeover would be fabulous, along with new clothes, shoes, and accessories.  So get on that...okay?  I promise I won't be offended.

But...until that happens, for your viewing pleasure, here is my hair makeover from this weekend.

BEFORE

Here I am the morning of my hair appointment.  This looks about right.  As far as I am concerned, they MUST tell people to look completely miserable in the before picture.  That can be the only explanation.  And they also must tell people to wear NO makeup and wear the worst possible outfit.  Although this is not a full body shot, I can assure you that my outfit was very unflattering.

AFTER

Here is me after my hair appointment.  It's still not the best picture but, hey, you get the idea.  My hair is considerably shorter...and lighter.  It is a little too light for me when I see it outside, but I will get used to it.  (And in this picture, my roots look very dark.  I am hoping it is just the lighting and doesn't look this way in person.)

So what do you think?  You like?  If not, remember, I will be a willing participant in any type of mom makeover. 

While you are here, go on over and vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs!!! Just click the link right over there to vote--------------------------------------------->

Signs of Summer

Summer is right around the corner!  It's already Memorial Day weekend, a sure sign that summer is about to begin.  Along with the holiday weekend, there are quite a few other signs that summer is approaching.  In no particular order, here are mine...

1.  My hot flip flop farmer tan.
I looked down the other day and saw it.  There is was on the top of both of my feet.  My flip flop farmer tan.  I thoughts a few things.  First, it really is pathetic that I wear flip flops so much.  Seriously, people, I love them.  I wear them with everything.  When I do wear a cute pair of sandals or heels, it is almost painful to me.  I long for my Reefs.  The second thought that I had was, "Well, now I know summer is coming and I have the physical proof right there on my feet."

Which leads me to my second "sign", more physical proof of the impending doom approaching swimsuit season...

2.  I gained 4 pounds.
DAMN!  When will I learn to start dieting and exercising regularly NO MORE THAN 60 days prior to swimsuit season.  I was doing so good...back in December!!! I ran regularly until the end of March, then my running partner/sister in law headed to the Netherlands for work.  I promised myself that I would keep up the running.  I could do 3 miles with ease.  Needless to say, I broke that promise to myself.  But I am going to get back to it this summer when I have more free time.  I am, really, I am.  And Weight Watchers?  Uh, so I haven't been following that either.  I would still be gung ho on this crap if I stared in April.  When will I ever learn?

Bathing suit then.                 Bathing suit now.

3.  Slacking with the school work.
Not my school work, but my daughter's.  She leaves her bookbag in the car half of the time now and it is not until bedtime that we realize it is still in the car and we haven't even started homework.  Luckily, she doesn't have much to do and she gets it done quickly.  But over the past week or two there have been many a day when she is doing it at the table while eating her breakfast.  I am just over it.  Bring in summer vacation,even if it means constant whining, fighting, demanding entertainment, neverending snacking, more whining...
Wait, did I say "bring on summer vacation"?

4.  Slacking with bedtime.
On school nights, we try to have the kids in bed by 8.  This week it was more like 9. Okay, 9ish.  I am totally done with the school night bedtime routine.  I am tired of fighting the fight.  If they can go to bed at 9 and still be up and somewhat pleasant in the morning, I'll accept that. 

 

5.  No to packing lunch, yes to buying.
I usually pack my daughter's lunch for school.  She is in first grade and I don't think it is necessary for her to buy school lunch all the time.  Every now and then, when they have her favorites, we would let her buy.  BUT...we sent in a check for her lunch account the other day and I told her that she could buy any day that she would like, as long as she let me know.  Deep down I am hoping she will buy everyday.  I am so sick of making sandwiches!  She wants turkey or ham and cheese everyday.  I don't want to make ONE.DAMN.SANDWICH. all summer.  I know I will.  But I won't want to.

Watch adam sandler lunch lady land in Comedy | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

So what are your signs that summer is coming?  Please share with me because I would love to know.  Maybe I can add them to the list!

And if you would be so kind as to go on over to the right and click on the "Top Mommy Blogs" link, I would greatly appreciate it!

I'm back (for a bit) from the world of Fifty Shades

I know I have been quiet over the past week. Why? Well, I mentioned it on my facebook page, but it case you missed it....I HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY WRAPPED UP in Fifty Shades.  I read the first book in about 60 hours and the second in under 48.  I decided I needed a little break before I start the third.

One reason that I probably decided on a break is because I need some time to get crap done that I have neglected for the past week.  Little stuff, you know, like laundry, paying bills, showering.  That kind of stuff.  I have honestly spent every free minute (when the kids are in bed, when they are napping, when I am making dinner and reading my book on the counter next to the stove) reading these books. 

The other reason is that I feel like I am sad for the series to end.  I want to know that I still have that last book to read. 

People who haven't read it...you should.  It would be a great summer read.  And not for all the hot and steamy parts (because they are there, but not that big of a deal to me).  I just loved the story and Christian and Ana.  I really did.  E.L. James admits that she is not some literary genius.  But she has sold millions of copies...and it really is a good story.  At least, I think so.  And I LOVE to read.  I don't do it as much as I would like these days because I am busy with life.  So every now and then, I find a book that I actually WANT to read during all of my precious free time.  And these books were definitely those kinds of books for me. 

But now I am back...for a little while at least, until I get my hands on the final book in the series.  It feels kind of good to be back in the land of the living.

Picture courtesy of www.overworkedsupermom.com

A post FOR WOMEN (Note: It's about birth control)

So this post might sound a little like a commercial or an advertisement.  But it's not...because if it was, I would be getting paid.  Wait, now I wish it WAS a paid advertisement.  Damn. 

I want to start by saying that I am not in the medical field.  I have no business suggesting what form of birth control women should use.  I am NOT suggesting anything, just giving my good old two cents.

What I do know is that I have 3 children, ages 15 months, 3 1/2 years, and 7 years.  I have a home daycare and take care of 6 children everyday.  I change about 20-30 diapers a day.  I clean up toys, wipe noses, make meals, clean up meals....blah, blah, blah.  You get the picture.  I am with kids ALL the time.  I don't want any more children of my own.  I am putting those child bearing years behind me.  This I know.

I also know that I am VERY bad at remembering things.  I can't remember to do things that I WANT to do, like make an appointment to get my hair done.  Therefore, it should come as no surprise that I am not good at oral birth control.  My husband and I didn't want anything permanent either.  We don't want more children, but I am not comfortable with the finality of making it impossible.

Looks like these dudes just effed up someone's month.

Picture courtesy of www.photobucket.com

Therefore, I spoke with the Physician's Assistant at my Ob/Gyn's office after having little girl #3 and decided to go with the Mirena.  I went out to the front desk to schedule my appointment for the Mirena insertion and was told by the lovely chickie working the desk that it was the WORST thing ever, gave her some pelvic inflammatory disease, and she got it removed.  Oh, and did I mention that she was about 8 months pregnant when she was telling me this?  I was like HELL to the NO!  Then I frantically walked right back to my PA's little office and asked her if that was going to happen to me.  She laughed (because she knows that I am spaz after seeing me for years now and delivering 2 of my 3 girls) and reassured me.  I left the office that day with the appointment scheduled. 

I have had the Mirena for a little over a year now and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! 

Did I mention that I LOVE it?

I don't have to worry about a thing.  I forget I even have it.  I don't suffer from cramps every month.  I don't suffer from ANYTHING every month.  Nope, not since the Mirena.  It's pretty damn awesome. 

So if you are even thinking about birth control now...or you will be at some point in the future, I urge you to do your research.  Definitely check out all the options.  But I will tell you, without a doubt, this was the best option for me.  One that I don't have to think about for another 4 years! 

And do you want to know the best thing?  It protects me from MYSELF!  Because to be honest with you, when my best friend popped out her precious little girl in March, I was feeling a severe case of "I-know-I-can't-even-handle-the-three-that-I-have-but-this-precious-newborn-makes-the-cutest-sounds-and-smells-so-good-and-is-so-adorable-that-I-might-be-insane-enough-to-want-another". 

Well, as it always does, that feeling passed but man would I have been screwed if I caved during that time of weakness.

So there you have it, the Mirena protects me from me.  And I need it.

Bloggers DANCE PARTY!!!

The time has come.  Kerry over at House TalkN did a bloggers dance off recently and it was such a hit that she challenged other bloggers to do it too.  That is how the Summer Dance Off Series was born.  New dance videos will be posted by bloggers on the first Monday of each month in May, June and July!

And not just any old blogger can do this.  You have to be special.  And by special I mean that you have to be willing to make a complete ass out of yourself on a social media network.  Luckily, I am cool with that.

Then today I saw Ellen asked people to enter a video of them dancing to Lady Gaga's Just Dance to be her "Dancer of the Day".  Well, being the efficient multitasker that I am, I decided why not kill two birds with one stone?

So for you viewing pleasure, here is my contribution to the Bloggers Dance Off:



You're welcome.

Clouds Suck and So Does Being the Early Bird

Are there some sayings that just get on your nerves?  You know, those things that people tell you when it is the last thing that you really feel like hearing?  I'll admit, I am guilty of saying some of those annoying things.  I am actually a generally optimistic person.  But here are 10 sayings that get on my nerves when I am not in the mood for advice.

The early bird catches the worm.
I can’t stand this one. Maybe the early bird does catch the worm, but the bird who shows up a little later might still get an equally good worm. Why rush somewhere to be first when there are enough worms to go around. Right?

Everything happens for a reason.
I do agree with this most of the time but other times I think UGH! What the hell! Sometimes bad things happen and I can tell you right now that I don’t want to think of the “reason” behind it.  There is NO reason that will make me feel better at that time.

It is what it is.
I am guilty of saying this quite often. But when someone says this to me about something that has made me unhappy, I just want to say, “Oh is it? Really? Well you know what it is? It’s freakin’ crappy…that’s what it is!”

Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.
I most certainly count my chickens before they hatch. I am very guilty of this. And what is wrong with that? If you are expecting something to happen, hopefully it will happen. And if it doesn’t? Well, just take all those unhatched chicken eggs and smash them all to smithereens!!!

The grass is always greener on the other side.
Yep, that might be true. Someone else might have greener grass. Who the hell cares? If you want your grass to be greener, then work on it. Do what it takes to make it greener. Don’t just sit and look at other people’s green grass and be jealous.

Just take one day at a time.
Sometimes you might even need to take one minute at a time…or one second at a time. Sometimes a day is just too much. And sometimes one day is so crappy that you just can’t wait for that one day to be over.

Live like there is no tomorrow.
I do believe that you need to live life to the fullest. Absolutely. BUT…if I lived like there was no tomorrow, I would not work, I would shop, spend, travel, eat whatever I wanted, spoil my kids rotten (even more than they already are). So with that being said, I think maybe living like there is no tomorrow isn’t the best idea.

Every cloud has a silver lining.
Really? I don’t get this one. Most clouds DON’T have any silver lining. Especially those that bring horrible thunderstorms and other natural disasters. Clouds block the sun. Clouds pretty much suck.

Get back in the saddle again.
This one implies that if you fall of the horse, you need to get back on. Honestly, I don’t think I would be hopping back into the saddle if I fell off a damn horse. Not saying that people shouldn’t try again. Just me personally. I wouldn’t get back on that horse. At least not for a while. Maybe horseback riding isn’t my thing.

Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.
Nope. No thanks. I will keep my enemies as far away as possible. Not that I have many enemies, but I certainly would not be keeping them close if I did. This doesn’t even make sense.　


So, what do you think? What sayings get on your last everloving nerve? I would love to hear!!
　
　

A Completely Pointless Post about the Pop Pop from the Park

My friends and I are on the park circuit. Hard core.  Especially in the summer.  Most of you already know that I was a teacher and now I have a home daycare for teachers.  That means....SUMMERS OFF.  If we are not at the pool , we are usually at the park.  At least once or twice a week.  We have about 3 parks that we hit up regularly.  We bring snacks, lunch, drinks....we basically tailgate.  But all of this is besides the point.

Some time last year (not sure exactly when, and it even could have been 2 years ago. I am bad with references to time.), we saw an adorable grandfather at one of the parks with not one, not two, but three of his grandsons.  There was an older boy (maybe 5 or so) and TWIN boys (Looked to be about 2 or 3 at the time).  The grandfather was easily in his mid-70s.  I spoke to him briefly while he was trying to wrangle the twins into the baby swings.  He informed me that they were his daughter's kids and that he watched them while she worked.

As the grandfather and his crew left the park that day, we saw him round up (and it was no easy task) all three boys and pile them into a minivan.  Was it his minivan or his daughter's?  Not sure.  But we did see him quite a few times at that same park, and other parks.  Just today, my friend Kim saw his at the mall with, you got it, all THREE of the boys.  And that is the only reason I am writing this post.  Because once again we found ourselves talking about the Pop Pop from the park.

Kim and I began to imagine how this all went down. How did it come to be that this adorable, sweet grandfather got roped into watching all three of his grandsons, all day, everyday.  And he doesn't just watch them..they are out and about, apparently on the same park circuit.

This is basically how we imagined it all began:

Hey Dad, we were wondering if you would be able to watch the baby when I go back to work?

Sure, I would love to.  Why not?  I don't have anything else to do in my retirement after working a solid 40+ years.

Great, we really appreciate it and it saves us so much money!

Fast forward 2 years:

Dad, guess what?  It's TWINS!!!

That's wonderful!

And we just figured you could watch them too.

Ummm, okay.

And you know that sensible 4-door sedan that you drive?

Yes.

Well, you are going to have to go ahead and get rid of that.  Might want to trade that in for a minivan.  You know, since you will be carting the kids around to parks, playgroups, lunch , the mall.

I'll tell you what.  This damn grandfather deserves a pat on the back.. And the next time I see him, I just might tell him.