This post has been in the back of my mind for approximately 13 days. That was the first day that I held my best friend's baby. She was less than 24 hours old. I could have held her for hours.
I came home that night to my baby, who is 14 months old. She seemed so big to me. When I came home she was clapping and smiling. I picked her up, all 24 pounds of her (which was a stark contrast to the little 8 pound bundle that I had just held) and she sat with me for no more than 20 seconds. Then she squirmed out of my arms and went off to play.
That night I was thinking about how it seemed like I was just sitting in a hospital bed holding my brand new baby. But that was over a year ago...and then 3 1/2 years before that...and almost 7 years (how is that possible?) before that. How could the time have gone by so quickly?!
But it has and I am coming to terms with it.
I told myself that just because babies are so precious and cute, it doesn't mean I need to have a dozen of them. That's not how it works here.
Here's how it does work.
I have basically NO alone time. Someone always wants something. Everyone needs attention and I feel both exhausted and guilty that I can't give them enough time. Our house is OVERFLOWING with toys. We have just about filled up all the room we have. My patience is tested everyday. So is our bank account.
I mean, babies are adorable. But so are puppies and kittens. And we sure as hell don't go and get one of them every time the mood strikes.
So we are done. I am fine with that. I know that each one of my three girls is a blessing. I think that it is just a normal emotion that most women feel when they know that their childbearing years are behind them.
So yep, those times of very limited caffeine intake, no alcoholic beverages, and worrying that every little decision I make will harm my unborn child are behind me.
BUT I am just 33....
No, they really are behind me. I'm done. Yep, I'm done. We have enough on our plate with three. I couldn't possibly handle any more. Right? Well maybe......NO, I AM DONE.
See? This is what goes on in my head every time I hold a newborn baby. Damn those newborns and all of their cuteness.