Wednesday, December 12, 2012

An Open Letter to SANTA

I have been noticing lately that these "open letter" posts are all the rage.  So I thought why not give it a shot...and write one to the big guy.  Maybe it will get into the right hands.

Dear Santa,

This may be a long shot but I am hoping this letter finds you.  I need to call in a few "favors" this year for the holidays.  I don't ask for much so it is my wish that you can deliver on these very small requests.

First, I need my kids to be healthy for the holidays.  No snot, no coughing, no fevers.  NADA.  Are you with me so far? 

In addition to that, I need them to be grateful and well behaved.  I just pray that my 4 year old doesn't flip when she doesn't see the gymnastics Dora doll under the tree.  I know, I know.  She should be grateful for what she does get.  There are children in this world with MUCH BIGGER problems then not getting a certain doll they requested.  But the bottom line here, Santa, is that she is 4.  She might have a meltdown.  I would love if this could be avoided.  Hopefully the Barbie Dream House that her and her sister get are enough to please her, along with a plethora of other crap treasured gifts.  You did get the Dream House, right?  I would hate to be out at Target last minute picking up these things to cover your @ss.

I have a few personal requests as well.  For me.  I know you deal more with the little ones, but I would greatly appreciate it if you bent the rules a bit.  Just this once. 

Here goes, in no particular. 

I would love a cleaning lady.  Seriously, Santa.  I need this one BAD.  Couldn't you spare someone to help me on a monthly (or weekly) basis?  One of your little helpers would do. 

Also, I would like...
-the kids to go to bed early each night without asking me to lay with them
-the two oldest to stop their bickering
-the youngest to stop wanting be a permanent attachment to my leg
-the dog not to bark at the back door incessantly
-gas prices to decrease in the near future
-the value of my home to increase
-to win a shopping spree at Target
-my smokin' hot minivan to magically be paid off
and finally...
-the invention of a calorie free beer or wine (Even this one simple gift would be great.  Okay, this AND the cleaning lady.)

So what do ya think, Santa?  Can you make good on any of these requests?

If you could, I would gladly continue to give you credit for all the blood (when my ankles get slammed by carts in the crowded toy section), sweat (when I watch the total due add up on the register), and tears (when I check my bank account statement) that go into Christmas.

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* "Dear Santa" paper available at


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