Just Breathe

I wrote a post yesterday out of anger and frustration and sadness.  I won't delete that post.  But now I know more of the details.  Still, my heart aches. 

Maybe that school was locked.  Maybe it was as safe as it could possibly be.  Yet, it wasn't safe enough.  This scares the living daylights out of me and almost every other parent across the country.  Today there is a sense of grief and fear in the air.  You can feel it.  But what can we do?  What can we do to help the families of the victims?  I don't know.

We can continue to do out best to keep our children safe.  We can urge the government to put more safety measures in place in our schools.  We can put our energy into remembering the victims and not focusing on the shooter.  He deserves no attention.  We can be more grateful everyday.  We can be more patient and kind and caring.

My heart aches for those parents who will never see their children again.  Their children will not be here to celebrate the holidays.  Gifts bought for them will go unopened.  I can't even wrap my head around these thoughts.  This morning my girls woke up and as usual, it was early.  I didn't mind.  They are here.  They are safe.  I am lucky.

I read an article that stated that one parent said she simply didn't want to go on without her son.  Counselors and clergy told her to not to think about her whole life but just breathe.  Just concentrate on breathing.  She has other children that need her.  Just breathe.

How do you just breathe?  How do you overcome this grief?  Maybe you don't overcome it.  Maybe it becomes a part of you. 

Tonight, I looked at the list of victims.  I read their names over and over and over.  Again, I want to remember them.  They deserve to be remembered.  I saw a Caroline.  My oldest daughter's name is Caroline.  I saw a Chase and Jesse and Emilie and Benjamin and Grace and many more.  They were all 6 or 7 years old.  My Caroline is 7.  They were first graders.  They were babies with their whole lives ahead of them.  I saw the names of teachers, a principal, and school psychologist.  I thought of all the teachers that I have taught with in the past.  I thought of the students. I read about the bravery of so many teachers who remained as calm as possible and in turn, kept their students calm.  My heart goes out to them.  My heart aches for those children who survived yet lost some of their innocence in that school yesterday morning. 

And again...I looked at my children.  They are here.  They are safe.  I am so lucky.

Tomorrow is not guaranteed.  We have no idea what the future holds and the cold hard truth is that life is so very fragile.  It can change in an instant. 

I don't know how the parents, grandparents, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, spouses, friends and neighbors of the victims of this senseless tragedy will go on.  I have no clue how one can deal with this grief and just breathe.

And so I pray for them.  I pray that they can just breathe. 

Image from www.smnewsnet.com