Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Winter Survival Guide

I don't know about you, but I am over this winter.  It has been cold, not so cold, rainy, snowy but not snowy enough for a fun snow day.  Then we have had colds, snot, bleach, stomach bugs, vomit, and more bleach...

I was expressing my distaste for this winter season when my husband so graciously reminded me that it is far from being over.  We are just hitting February...which is always chock full of shittiness fun.

How will we survive?  How will we make it through without upping our doses of antibiotics and antidepressants?

I am here to help.  Much like my Summer Survival Tips, I give you my Winter Survival Guide.  And it couldn't come at a better time.  You are very welcome.

1.  Stock up on necessities...such as wine and beer.

2. You may need to grab some milk and such, if you have kids.

3.  Also buy some cheese balls.  Kids love cheese balls.  The ones that are orange and stain kids' hands.  Every time my kids are whiny, I say "Hey, do you want a bowl of cheese balls?"  Cheers them up every time.

4.  Buy the Just Dance game (any one will do).  Kids love it and it's also fun for adults when you have had a little too much of #1.  I have heard that you can also get a good work out from this.  See #5.

5.  Don't worry about working out.  You still have until March, at the earliest, to start worrying about bathing suit season and to start berating yourself for failing miserably with your New Year's resolution to lose weight.  See...that's why my resolution was just to NOT get any fatter

6.  Make a bleach and water solution.  Mix 1 tbs bleach and 1 quart of water.  Use that shit to clean EVERYTHING.  Forget about the other expensive cleaners.  This stuff works. 
Tip: Don't let the kids touch it.  It is kind of dangerous.  And it might discolor fabrics and cheap fake wood furniture from Target.  Not that I know from experience or anything...
Note to self: Do not buy cheap fake wood furniture from Target.

7.  If you have any friends going to a warm, tropical vacation destination, END ALL CONTACT with them.  This includes in person and via social media.  Trust me.  Continued contact will do more harm than good.

8.  Watch good television.  As much as I love summer, our television viewing options are limited.  So take advantage of the winter months and watch every damn show possible.  Also, DVR those bad boys and save them for later.  Feel free to delete crap like Wizards and Waverly Place and Oswald to make room for your programs. 

9.  Don't worry about working out.  Did I already say that?

10.  Look at the bright side.  You have a few more months to cover your muffin top with sweats.  Plus, humidity is low which helps with hair.  My naturally curly hair loves winter...even if I don't.

So there you have it.  You, too, can survive winter with booze, cheese balls, and television. 

And again, don't worry about working out.

Do you have any tips to add to my list?  Please feel free to share!

Also feel free to click that Circle of Moms button over to the right and give me a vote! ------->

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6 comments:

  1. I'm voting for you! You are amazing. ha ha yeah its so annoying when pals jet off on cruises at this time of year when your thighs look like cottage cheese isn't it? I'll take your tips to heart. Thanks for sharing.

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  2. Running out to buy cheese balls now. Oh and I need to delete all of my friends who are going to the islands. Must be nice but they are out of my life now!!! Ha! Great post!!!!!!

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  4. OhMYyes. I love this so much. LOVE. I was going to pick favorites from it, but i can't. But i am pissed at friends who keep texting me pictures from Florica. I want to go turn their hose on and fill up their basement as a surprise for when they get home. PERFECT POST.

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  5. Pure genius!!! Love this, Katie.

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  6. Hi awesome blog you got here! :) i am with the TGIF blog hop just came by to visit your page and follow as well as show some love. Hope to see you on my side :)!

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Even though I am horrible at responding to comments, I read every one (even the spam comments trying to sell me cheap Christian Louboutins). Leave a nice comment and I will buy you a drink...someday.