I was watching Max and Ruby tonight, something that I have the privilege of doing more often then I would like. I started to think about previous posts I have written about these horrible shows and I got an idea. It was just about the best and worst idea that I have ever had. What if I wrote a story? This story would be about an awesome party. The most awesome, annoying, f#$ked up party you could ever imagine. Here it is. I hope you enjoy.
The Most Annoying Party There Ever Was
It was almost spring.
Ruby thought that it would be a great time of year to throw a party for all of her friends. She spent days planning and preparing. She sent Max out to get all of the supplies with his red wagon and barely enough money to get what he needed plus another dragon shirt to wear to the party.
Max went alone. He does everything alone because Ruby basically gives him the shaft when something comes up, like Bunny Scouts or a day to hang with her bestie Louise.
Miraculously, Max returned with all the supplies. It's amazing what he can do with his limited vocabulary. But when you have to fend for yourself because your parents are god knows where, you learn how to get by.
It was time to party!
As Ruby got her punch ready, Max was planning a little treat of his own. His famous mud pies. Even if everyone else thinks they are grotesque, Max can always count on his drunken Grandma to play along with his antics.
The first guest to arrive was Olivia. She was wearing her purple princess gown. Of course she was. That chick is always pulling sh*t like that. She is such an attention seeking hog.
After Olivia, Dora made her appearance. Olivia stood of in the corner and waited for someone else to come so she could gossip about Dora's shirt that she outgrew about 3 years ago. I mean, can't Dora step it up for a party and wear a shirt that fits?
Diego popped in for a minute but then Baby Jaguar tried to take a bite out of Olivia's leg. Diego decided it was best to head home...but was ticked off that people were upset with Baby Jaguar. All those hypocrites probably love pork too.
DJ Lance was all set up to get the party started. He announced that it was dancey-dance time. But just as the music started, the speaker blew.
Well thank god that Handy Manny had just showed up!!! He got right to work (and by "he", I mean his tools). The whole crowd cheered as Felipe tightened the last screw and the music blared. Felipe was so happy. Then he saw that they were all cheering for Manny. Once again, that bastard took credit. Typical.
DJ Lance got everyone on their feet.
The rest of the party pretty much went down like this...
Kai-lan spent the night trying to break up a fight between Tolee and Rin-too. Finally, she called her grandfather to come get her. Good thing he came, because he left with Ruby's Grandma's digits. Not that Grandma will remember the next day because she spiked Ruby's punch with a little whiskey and helped herself to one too many. Louise ended up taking Grandma home early and then catching the last bus home.
Caillou stopped in, complained and whined incessantly, and then headed home to hang with Rosie. This crowd was too much for him to take.
The Wonder Pets chilled in the corner and snacked on celery. They brought their own and tried to pair it with all the other food the Ruby prepared, which ticked Ruby off to no end. They didn't stay late because Ming-Ming had an early appointment with his speech therapist.
Just when it started to die down, Ruby decided it was time to bring out the big guns. She got everyone's attention and introduced the fabulous, wild and crazy Fresh Beat Band! The crowd jumped to their feet. The music started and out came...WTF? It was the Junior Beats. Ruby was fuming.
The crowd cleared out.
Mickey and Minnie, who came late as usual, had to drive Dora home. She had hit the punch as well. Problem was, she also lost Backpack. Since she didn't have her map, she forgot where she lived. After driving around for hours, Mickey was finally able to get her home.
Ruby spent the entire day following the party cleaning up Grandma's vomit, blood from Olivia's leg, and shards of celery.
She even found Backpack. And no wonder Dora was so lit, there were two empty bottles of Arbor Mist in there.
Ruby made a solemn swear to herself to never have a party again.
She even told Max to remind her of this if she ever gets the idea to have another one. Max just smiled and walked away. He thought to himself, "Sure Ruby, whatever. B$*ch doesn't listen to a SINGLE WORD I say anyway."