Thursday, March 29, 2012

We Don't Always Have to Share. Right?

You always hear parents telling their kids that they have to share. 

Kids are taught this at home, at daycare, in school. 

I agree that it is important.  I want my children to share with others, to be kind and caring, to know how to get along with people.

BUT...sometimes, I don't think sharing is always necessary.

Those that are familiar with my blog know that I have a home daycare.  Other children are coming into my house everyday.  My children have learned to share because of this.  Basically they are sharing all of their toys, their mom, and their home EVERYDAY.

So sometimes I tell them that they don't have to share everything.  If they just got a new doll for their birthday, they don't have to let everyone play with it.  I just tell them to be nice about it or keep it up in their room.  (Even though the 3 year old isn't always nice about it, but we are trying).  And don't get me wrong, I don't tell my kids that they can hoard all the toys and not let anyone touch them.  On the contrary, I am always telling them that they need to take turns and give others a chance.  But I do let them kindly take their special stuff and put it somewhere it will not get disturbed.

The other day I went to lunch at my 6 year old's school.  I brought her a soft pretzel.  One of her friends asked her for some and she looked to me for the answer.  I told her, "Sure, if you want to break off a piece and give it to her, that's fine."  But it was her choice.  I am sorry but I am not going to make her share her food.  That night I told her if a friend asks her for something from her lunch, she doesn't HAVE to share.  As a matter of fact, a friend of mine said her son's school has a "no lunch sharing" policy.  I LOVE that! 

Kids need to learn that we don't have to share everything, all the time.  As long as you are polite, you can let someone know that you are not going to share a certain item. 

I mean, when we get older, we learn how to do this. Don't we?  We don't sit with coworkers and ask for a bite of their lunch, or if we can play a game on their cell phone, or if we can try out their new lipstick.  We just don't do it.  So in my opinion, if I teach my kids this skill now, they are just prepared for the future. 

As adults, we tell people to eff off politely everyday.  Kids can learn that, too.

What do you think? Do you agree? If you do, please share.  If you don't, kindly keep it to yourself.  See? I just did it right there.  Look how polite I was. 

But seriously, you can tell me if you disagree.  I will just delete your comment.  No, now I am really being serious, I would love to know what you think...either way;)


  1. I am a lunch lady at my kid's school and some of the aides have the no sharing policy. We lunch ladies let the kids scare to a point. If a kid gets celery on his plate and want to give it to a friend by all means, go for it. If it was gonna go in the trash anyways it is better to be enjoyed. I totally agree with you though, there are times to scare and times to keep it to yourself. It is knowing the difference that can be tough for kids.

  2. Yes! Kids shouldn't ALWAYS have to share. Why do adults always expect kids to do things adults can't or won't even do? We want kids to share all of the time, sit still for hours a day even when they are bored out of their minds and to always get along well with their peers. I think it's great that you are teaching your kids at a young age that saying, "no" is acceptable and ok. With all of those years of practice behind them they won't have any problems saying no as adults!

  3. Completely agree. Especially about food and special, important things. My kids share but there are definitely exceptions.

    Kids share enough already... germs, bad habits, disgusting mannerisms, punk behavior, and eventually bodily fluids, v.d., and DNA. It's okay to chill on the sharing sometimes. ;-)

  4. Completely agree. When I did home daycare I had 'daycare' toys that everyone had to share but my own kids kept their special toys in their rooms (which were off limits to daycare kids - it's hard enough to share your mom and house - they need some private space)
    And now, in my kindergarten class I have a firm no sharing lunches or snacks rule!

  5. You definitely have to teach your kids to share. And you definitely have to teach them what not to share. I'm big on not sharing hats and brushes because of the fear of lice. We battled that once when my daughter was in Kindergarten and I have no desire to do it again. I've told my daughter I would shave her head next time.

  6. I'm glad that people agree with me! I DEFINTIELY feel like sharing is important, but sometimes I honestly feel like it's okay to say, "You know what? You don't have to share that."

    Oh, and the lice thing....that TOP of my list on things we NEVER want to share. Haha:)

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