Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Toddlers Confuse Me

There are certain things about kids...toddlers in particular, that I will NEVER understand.  I alluded to one of them earlier today on my facebook page. 

First, why on God's green Earth would a child NOT want their diaper changed?  Why do they run away and scream and fight it?  Even when you have them pinned down, they squirm and wiggle and almost get crap all over their leg and foot.  I just DON'T GET THAT.  If you shit yourself, wouldn't you want to have someone clean you up?  Especially if you were incapable of doing it yourself.  Geez.

Also, why do they resist a freakin' nap???  There are some days when I have to pin my 2 year old down with my left arm and act like I am sleeping myself in order to get her to succumb to a nap.  I would LOVE if someone said to me, right after they prepared, served, and cleaned up my lunch (that I so rudely refused to eat), "It's time for a nap!"  Oh, how I would love that.

And speaking of lunch, isn't is awesome when you prepare a meal and your toddler eats NOTHING?  It makes me feel so appreciated.  Then to add insult to injury, sometimes they throw it on the floor.  Fabulous.  I don't get that one bit.  It's flat out bad manners.

Really, that is what it comes down to I think.  Toddlers just have bad manners.  You can teach them to say please and thank you.  But you can bet your ass that the next time you are at Trader Joe's and the kind cashier gives them a balloon, instead of saying "Thank you" they will growl at them.  Then as you are walking to your car, when not a single soul is within earshot, they will say "Thank you" like a precious little angel. 

I'll just never understand how the mind of a toddler works sometimes.  And maybe that's a good thing.  I would hate to know what my 2 year old really thought about the dinner I made tonight...

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  1. HAHAHAHAHA!!! Completely awesome. My 2 year old will only say "Love you" when you're on the other side of the door. Also say thank you about 5 mins after the fact. I feel like they're just figuring out what just happened. I don't know...that's the only explanation I have on that one.

  2. Love this, it is so absolutely true! I'd also like to know why my toddler is terrified of the tiny toy train she got as a present, but is unfazed by the large dog at our neighbor's house. Or why she can't have apple juice in a cup, but apple juice in a juice box is the kiddie equivalent of a mega margarita. It makes me think back to those commercials from the 80's that showed the skillet and two eggs frying and said "this is your brain on drugs." It could have just as easily said "This is the brain of your toddler". How they ever grow up to be productive members of society is beyond me.


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